Why does it always have to be me?

Why do I always value you more than I value my own self? Why do I always have to convince my poor self that there must be something wrong with me cause you are just perfect? Why do I have to face my insecurities every single night I lie in bed? Why are my thoughts screaming so loud trying their best to fool me again that I'm to blame? Why do I have to deal with a mirror full of flaws as if every part of my brilliant bright side is dead? Why do I have to apologise every time something goes wrong? Why don't I ever expect you to say that magic word which heals every wicked soul? Why don't you ever say you're sorry? Why do I find that reaction normal? Why do I have to take every risk, every huge step, initiate any brave conversation? Why do I always try to make you feel good about yourself whereas I haven't ever given that gift to mine? Why does it always have to be me? Is it easier that way? Believing you are hard to love and hard to be treated with endless love and respect? Why do I value your minimum as maximum? Why am I ok with that tiny effort you make to change things? Why don't I ever expect you to surpass your ego to let go of that sickness of believing you are flawless and always right? Why don't I ever take the small things you give me for granted? Why is it so hard for me to do all those things again and again with you and every single 'you' after you? Why is everyone so unbreakable and superpowered for me? Why do I have such a low self esteem? Why don't I go back in believing the stories about that handsome prince riding that white horse doing what it takes just to be with me? Cause that's a real prince. Original princes aren' those cold blooded human beings we watch in movies. A real prince, a real hero is our man. The one who has an amazing pair of beautiful eyes but they can only stare at you. Cause the world revolves around both of you and his happiness is yours and indeed the other way round. Why is it hard to accept that there are still pure, genuine souls out there willing to love our funny toes, our weird and shocking sense of humor, our extremely loud laughter and our way of dealing with harsh situations? Why don't we fall asleep with a positive thought instead of that dead-end constant mindfuck?